Bury The Dead and Move On

Losing a friend can be devastating.

If they were close to us, it is likely that they were an important part of our lives. We celebrated with them, we shared our true thoughts and feelings, and we created memories together. Like any relationship, they lifted us up and gave our life more meaning.

So when that friendship ends, we can often feel lost, empty and deflated. We feel anger not just at the other person for the things they did (or didn’t do), but at ourselves, as well. What if I had said this differently? Should I have reacted this way? What if this was all my fault? Am I damaged?

It is so easy to replay all these events back in your head. It is even easier to place the blame firmly on yourself for what has happened. We often feel like we should keep toxic people around because, if they weren’t there, we wouldn’t have anyone else. Like parasites, we allow them to feed on our happiness, our emotions and our general wellbeing. They often form a grey cloud over us.

What you must remember, however, is that friendships are a two-way street. You are only one half of the deal. You can be the complete package delivered to the wrong address. This rings even more true when you feel like the other person simply isn’t respecting you, your time, or what you have to say.

Your value is not the sum of the friends you have. Your value is based on how you see yourself and what you allow into your life. If you are trying to be open and real with someone close and they always shut you down or make you feel bad and you allow it, what message are you sending to yourself? That this is all you deserve.

That is not true. You deserve so much more. Realise your value and potential and make those tough decisions. Like removing a plaster, it will sting at first, but you will feel so much better after. Life is too short for low-quality companionship.

It is okay to mourn a loss of a friend, too. Take a moment to cherish the good times, but remember that those are now in the past. The present is here and now, and right here and now it is time to find people who add value and emotional nourishment to your world.

While overused, this quote from ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ always rings true to me:

We accept the love we think we deserve

If you think less of yourself, you will allow lesser people into your life. Accept that you are worthy of so much more, expect so much more from those close to you, and those who see your true value will rise up and have your back.

Photo by Ian Taylor on Unsplash